Some people don’t get what it’s like to be considered “obese”
I’m 5’2 and I weigh 160 pounds. I am 35 pounds overweight. I was never this big in my life. I went from a size 3 to a 14. It all happened so fast.
A little background first. I danced for 5 years and I was a “little chubby” when I started. I was embarrassed to be a medium so I started not eating in the morning and at lunch time. Before I knew it I was a small and I could not have been any happier. My eating disorder began taking over my life. I started it freshman year of high school and ended it my freshmen year of college. It got to the point where I was disgusted to eat dinner. I’d have two bites of food and I would get sick cause it was too much. Even though I was a size 3 I wanted to be a size 1. I thought I was fat. I weighed 115-120 pounds all throughout high school and freshmen year of college. I wanted to be smaller. Now looking back at pictures I did look sick. No one took my disorder seriously. My mom always joked about it to me but never actually did anything to help me. But enough of history.
I noticed I had gained a lot of weight after I started taking birth control. To be totally honest I thought I was pregnant but I knew I wasn’t cause I kept getting my period. I stopped taking the pill after everyone at my godfathers wedding asked if I was pregnant. Including my dad. I lost it. I got in my car and had a huge breakdown.
I knew I had to change and I did everything I could. I took supplements I ate “healthier” I started exercising. Nothing changed. I actually had gained more weight. Nothing in this world was more discouraging than that. I had honestly given up on everything and everyone. I became severely depressed. I was so depressed I was minutes away from suicide. My plan was to overdose on all the Advil I had in my house and to drown myself. When I grabbed the Advil I couldn’t do it. Something in my head stopped me and I am forever thankful. After I calmed down I was still a little depressed. So I just slept it off. I never came out of my room except to get something to eat. Then summer came.. I put on my bikini and I hated what I saw but I was okay with it for a while. Until one day I saw some girls that I went to high school with. I could see them across the way looking at me with the surprised look on their faces and then them whispering to each other because they couldn’t believe it. I never went out in a bathing suit after that.
Here I am, almost a year later. I am 150 pounds. 25 pounds overweight. I went through a series testing to figure out what was wrong with me in November of 2013. Turns out I have Celiac disease and Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome and was on the verge of diabetes. The gluten was making me sick and PCOS was causing an imbalance of hormones in my body. The only way I would be able to lose weight was to cancel out all gluten and go on medication. And let me tell you, giving up all things gluten is the hardest thing in the world.
I’m still not 100% happy with where I am today. I get the same thing all the time saying how good I look and I’ve lost a lot of weight and blah blah blah blah blah. I get it. Thank you for everyone that has complimented me. But where I am now is not where I thought I would be by now. Nothing is more discouraging than going shopping with your size 3 sister who was complaining about something being to big. I wish I had that problem. But I know eventually I will get there if I keep pushing harder and doing what I need to to once again have a body that want and deserve.
From now on I have decided to keep tabs on my weight loss with pictures to see how far I have come. And once I get to my goal I will show them but until then you can just see what I look like from insta ha.